Wow! Tore through that one in what, 6 days? Fueled by a deep desire to see where the hell it's going with its seeming change in tone and I think I've made peace with it after sleeping on it.

Guide is about adults and their adult relationships, entirely from the perspective of the author, making it sort of faux-biographical? His seeming omniscience has a haunting aspect to it, his both always and not being aware what his friends are up to on their own. It can have a presumptious tone to it as well at times, where his reading of the people around him can be eerily accurate (at least from his point of view).

It always seemed like a sort of superpower to me, to be able to tell what someone's thinking from the equation of their mannerisms. Maybe this is where his infatuation with Luke both comes from and ebbs away from again, where his unreadable face is a point of appeal until he 'figures him out'. I can relate heavily to this novelness of strangers, vaguely familiars, and friends of friends. It's a detrimental thing to get bored of the people you feel like you've figured out, and for me it has resulted in me being attracted (romantically or not) to increasingly out-there types.

I see the appeal of Chris, problematically so, and Luke's mysticism. Even a mess like Drew I can see the appeal of, albeit hardly a person to begin with. It's novelness, and it's intriguing.

Blur and Silverchair getting renamed to Smear and Tinselstool is also incredibly funny, no doubt to avoid legal issues; especially considering the whole arc around Alex James and the backstage meet. Ultimately the book winds up being both horrifying and incredibly silly, banal violence is all over the book but none of it turned as gut-wrenching as what I found in Try. This is probably in thanks to the book adopting the point of view of an inflicter, rather than a receiver.

It was notable how dehumanized all of the boys are. They are little more than boy-shaped totems for the older men to profess and perform their lust to, while Luke being the only of-age love(?) interest makes this even more palpable. Dennis is shocked by a seeming flash of interiority of Drew, which soon is defused by his admitting it was just something his art collector dad said one time. In a lot of ways Drew is the perfect sex object for men like these, the perfect Grindr twink who will enjoy basically anything, because receiving attention is the only thing he needs.

Scott was such an annoying pathetic sad faggot!!!!! It's incredible how accurately he encapsulates the mannerisms of what seems like ~20% of (gay) people.

Ultimately this seems to be the most blatant and direct negotiation between the author and his complicated relationship to sex and violence in the george miles cycle so far. If anything it got me excited to read Period, and from what people have said it definitely won't disappoint. After that I think I'll write more specifically about this sado-murder fantasy running through the series, maybe make it a more extensive blog post on the main site :v

Written while listening to: Jamie Paige -- Bittersweet // awakebutstillinbed -- what people call low self-esteem is really just seeing yourself the way that other people see you

I'm a forest lives a family of entities, human but not really. Nails for pickups, light that warms and misbehaves around them, a musical nature; they attract chaos and debauchery without their own input. Born from the love of two men and thei ritualistic intimacy, they now lived in seclusion until a fairy hunter came and disturbed their peace. They mean no ill will, but they have their nature, and they feed off of emotional response (cringe, shock, arousal).

From a dream, where this was a lost David lynch story called off the record or something, featuring dale cooper as one of the two gay men (lol)

at a point where chapter 1 might be fully drafted by tomorrow? not sure, I still need to say a lot in it, specifically on digital tools and their peculiarities. I can't help but wonder if any of it is going in the right direction right now though, feeling particularly uncertain about the whole guidance part of it and might put it up for scrapping first of all, if anything to make room in the chapter.

I also really should get a start on the other chapters but the vibe just isn't there, I'm finally sorta in the groove of ch1 and I don't want to mess that up basically.

I also want to make shit again, hate being so stuck in writing where i dont feel any space to actually work on my grad project, let alone personal projects like game jams or whatever. too many responsibilities to keep afloat, not enough time, too self-absorbed for most of it.

Reading Guide and... the start feels a bit weird? The writing style is a lot more conventional, and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. The topics are similar but maybe this is in part related to how this story follows a majority of adults rather than the volatile adolescents of most of the george miles cycle. It feels like something was lost but I hope that's just early onset fears of starting a new book.

Also apparently this works?

👽 { color: #0F0; border: solid 2px #FFF; }

awesomeeee

+ bookmarklets as tools for the browser, interesting to look at re: #mythesis

+ webmentions and activitypub are scary and awesome, could hold some potential for creating a platform depending on the direction I decide pursuing (handmade vs federated web)

+ flask as an alternative to php, building web apps in python (wow!)

+ python as a builder, i need to think about how visual novels in my tool are actually built to (hopefully) last

+ emojis work as html tags? in css? lol

+ make sure to take some time to plan potential workshops-with-classrooms-or-whatevers, it's a pain organisation-wise so it'll need some time to get off the ground

how tools get shaped by their user and how this carries over into digital through stuff like plugins, though the barrier to entry being a lot higher (often having to learn c++) compared to cutting your brushes or formulating a painting medium, thus these digital tools often winding up a lot less someone's own

I've been reading through the George Miles cycle, mostly because of it apparently inspiring Loner Dog, and then consequently finding out that Dennis Cooper was inspired by Arthur Rimbaud's poetry. I really want to take a closer look at how these works are intertwined, because I get the feeling that something interesting's in there in relation to the queer experience.

partly because i had a childhood crush on him, mostly because he was one of the most compelling characters in skins to me and I'd like to understand why

First post from mobile, awesomeeee

finished reading Try by Dennis Cooper. Ripped through the last half of it like pulling a band-aid. It's so hauntingly deadpan in its cruelty and horror that at times you forget that what's going on is a nightmare. I could compare it to like, traumatic experiences, which sounds stupid but the experience of the book is a lot like getting assaulted. You nod off back into your own mind off somewhere entirely different.

Horrifying! Anyways! Looking forward to moving on to Guide, hopefully I can find a copy of Period sometime.

Made some nice progress on the ol portfolio, moving it from wix is a pain in the ass but im hoping it'll be worth it in the end!

Decided to NOT have the discrete little blox for projects but rather a scrollable row of them, most important projects all the way to the start of course.

also i love html tables, fuck theyre so sexy and useful.... FUCK!!!

anywayze yeah time to watch my wife swing sword!!!

Waaooaooawoawoo a place for quick thoughts and journaling......waht a treat...! Thanks to this repo I don't have to figure out the pains and tortures of SQL and PHP quite yet, maybe I can learn something from prodding at this thing in my bits of free time. Yay!